Dear Whale Wars, this is how you stop a japanese whaling ship!

Armchair quarterback notes on all the mistakes  the crew on Whale Wars makes as they try and stop legitimate Japanese research vessels from slaughtering 10 whales a day in the name of research.

this is how you do it?

RE: prop fouling line: Test this stuff, figure out a neutrally buoyant material and deploy it with automatic wire shears rather than a hand knife! This is supposedly capable of stopping the ship for an entire season and yet you deploy this time-sensitive device with a hand knife? The entire mission rests on the sharpness of that blade and the skill of the cutter? come on! lesson learned: the guy cut too slow and the buoy surface before the processor hull. – doh!

Better yet, WEAVE YOUR OWN ROPE with nylon AND metal strands. and practice, practice, practice!
Extra credit: chase the ship in your inflatable while you deploy it to try and distract them, OK? They are obviously watching you the whole time and I bet that rope trailing behind is a pretty obvious sign they should put the thing in neutral.

RE: Your potatoe gun: Dude, seriously? Hand controlled? You made a boat from scratch that broke a world record and with all the time and energy you haven’t figured out a semi automatic system yet? (or at least one that auto monitored the PSI so you would get consistent results without charging it via hand operated valve) I didn’t get a detail shot but I hope it was at least a breach loader. And come on, painting the “RESEARCH” word red? they washed it off immediately and you wasted time and effort on this futile symbolic gesture.
PLUS: all that time and effort and only one dude with a potato gun? was there no room for two shooters? was the third guy busy? (I assume so, communications, etc but still…)

OMG UPDATE: It isnt a breech loader! All that wasted time with tamping – OMG a million dollar operation and you are out there with that spud gun? Think servos and pressure monitors and arduino…

whale dinner in japan

Whale®, it is what's for dinner. Seriously, how could you resist eating this delicacy?

RE: Butyric Acid: What neutralizes butyric acid? Do you think the entire resources of the japanese  government hasn’t figured that one out yet? I bet they spray it with a goo and it is gone in ten minutes unless you give them a direct hit to whale meat it is no big deal just a temporary stinky poo. Ever consider some homebrew pepper spray concoction that atomizes on contact?

RE: Acoustic repellant: this can work both ways, get yourself some earplugs and homebrew your own LRAD system with a sine wave generator and an array of horn compression drivers with appropriate wave guides. (http://www.parts-express.com/)  This would probably make bad TV but FUN FUN FUN…and with your funds you could make a very very large one.

RE: Ramming ships: are you reinforced? do you have your hull hardfaced/fitted with ripping grooves below the water line? If not, why not?

RE: Them firing stuff back at you: They will, wear gas masks and sumo armor at a minimum.  Expect pepper spray, hope they dont bring bean bags to the party.

RE: Your captain firing flares at them: OMG, this is hilarious and silly and pathetic but I guess the TV crews need some kinda flame tio make this interesting.

RE: reconnisance with the helicopter only: How much would it cost to deploy a tetherd weather ballon with video capabilities? Are you kidding? For a couple hundred bucks you can send one of these to 100k feet I think a half mile should be very manageable with hi def video cams and servo motors – no? You really really need more geeks onboard!

RE: The helicopter only being used as reconnisance: does it hath not butryic acid capabilities? leaflet drops? wtf ever?

RE: Communication: I hope to hell ONE HUNDRED PERCENT of mission communications are encrypted and encrypted WELL with one time pad 256 bit AES, minimum! If not, you have lost your battle before you leave port.

RE: Tracking the japanese vessels: how about neutrally bouyant magnetic gps transponders? deploy covertly with the inflatable cause once they know about them game over…but until they do you are gonna get a wealth on information. yeah, this is hella expensive but how much moey does your crew cost per day searching with eyeballs and radar? FREE TIP: Anime porn will get them all hot and bothered, boradcast on all frequencies.

RE: Reducing demand for whale meat: deploying any propaganda worthy of consideration to the Japanese masses? Apparently the meat is only eaten in certain prefectures so it isnt like you need to infiltrate the whole island. FREE TIP: Hit them while they are young with super cute whale anime.

More “insight” to come…………

comments appreciated!

BTW: I was in japan and tried to find whale meat. impossible in osaka. it isnt everywhere but i bet it sure is tasty!

PS: no alcohol on your fleet? dont even think about begging me for direct help. lift that ban and I will be onboard per your desire!

PSS: dear japanese customs , please let me back into your country! I advocated this just for TV to be more fun! I will eat an entire (baby) whale to prove my point! My fantasy is to serve whale meat in a family reunion casserole! PLUS: I LOVE JAPANESE WOMEN!

OM NOM NOM - whale meat sooo tasy, make genitals bigger!

OM NOM NOM - whale meat sooo tasy, make genitals bigger!

COMMENT PLEASE – THE WHALES NEED YOUR HELP!

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